My personal warning about aspartame- say no to poison- to diet drinks and sweetener!

This is written in hope that people can learn from other peoples mistakes.

About a month ago I went back to a bad habit I learned back at home when I was a teen-ager, doing diets with my dear mother- namely using artificial sweetener. Why you ask. I ask myself the same thing cause I knew it must be poison. The saddest thing about habit- it is often a blind force which cares nothing about your inner voice of good sense.

Back then, about 10 years ago I developed many very bad health problems from this absolute stupidity, but till this day I made no specific connection to artificial sweeteners and aspartame.  

Now, in the space of a month, I have started to feel some of the same though thank god milder health effects. The only thing that I changed in the past month- the wonderful sweetener, which after watching 5 minutes of this documentary found its rightful home in the bin. As for me- will never touch the stuff again.

Watch "Sweet misery" - an excellent documentary showing how dangerous aspartame is.

If you have a habit of using aspartame, drinking diet drinks- consider if you have any of these symptoms:

"Eye
blindness in one or both eyes
decreased vision and/or other eye problems such as: blurring, bright flashes, squiggly lines, tunnel vision, decreased night vision
pain in one or both eyes
decreased tears
trouble with contact lenses
bulging eyes

Ear
tinnitus - ringing or buzzing sound
severe intolerance of noise
marked hearing impairment

Neurologic
epileptic seizures
headaches, migraines and (some severe)
dizziness, unsteadiness, both
confusion, memory loss, both
severe drowsiness and sleepiness
paresthesia or numbness of the limbs
severe slurring of speech
severe hyperactivity and restless legs
atypical facial pain
severe tremors

Psychological/Psychiatric
severe depression
irritability
aggression
anxiety
personality changes
insomnia
phobias

Chest
palpitations, tachycardia
shortness of breath
recent high blood pressure

Gastrointestinal
nausea
diarrhea, sometimes with blood in stools
abdominal pain
pain when swallowing

Skin and Allergies
itching without a rash
lip and mouth reactions
hives
aggravated respiratory allergies such as asthma

Endocrine and Metabolic
loss of control of diabetes
menstrual changes
marked thinning or loss of hair
marked weight loss
gradual weight gain
aggravated low blood sugar (hypoglycemia)
severe PMS

Other
frequency of voiding and burning during urination
excessive thirst, fluid retention, leg swelling, and bloating
increased susceptibility to infection

Additional Symptoms of Aspartame Toxicity include the most critical symptoms of all
death
irreversible brain damage
birth defects, including mental retardation
peptic ulcers
aspartame addiction and increased craving for sweets
hyperactivity in children
severe depression
aggressive behavior
suicidal tendencies

Aspartame may trigger, mimic, or cause the following illnesses:
Chronic Fatigue Syndrome
Epstein-Barr
Post-Polio Syndrome
Lyme Disease
Grave’s Disease
Meniere’s Disease
Alzheimer’s Disease
ALS
Epilepsy
Multiple Sclerosis (MS)
EMS
Hypothyroidism
Mercury sensitivity from Amalgam fillings
Fibromyalgia
Lupus
non-Hodgkins
Lymphoma
Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD)

These are not allergies or sensitivities, but diseases and disease syndromes. Aspartame poisoning is commonly misdiagnosed because aspartame symptoms mock textbook ‘disease’ symptoms, such as Grave’s Disease.

Aspartame changes the ratio of amino acids in the blood, blocking or lowering the levels of serotonin, tyrosine, dopamine, norepinephrine, and adrenaline. Therefore, it is typical that aspartame symptoms cannot be detected in lab tests and on x-rays. Textbook disorders and diseases may actually be a toxic load as a result of aspartame poisoning.

Ever gone to the doctor with real, physical symptoms, but he/she can’t find the cause? Well, it’s probably your diet, your environment, or both."

Source

C.G.Jung- "The Red Book". Oh awe! Oh soul!

I see these images and my heart skips a beat. What can this be? How can this be? 

Of course it is "The Red Book" by C.G.Jung, published 2009, I am only 2 years late for where I was always meant to come.

The first words of Carl Gustav Jung's Red Book are "The way of what is to come."

What follows is 16 years of the psychoanalyst's dive into the unconscious mind, a challenge to what he considered Sigmund Frued's — his former mentor's — isolated world view. Far from a simple narrative, the Red Book is Jung's voyage of discovery into his deepest self.

The voyage began at age 11. "On my way to school," Jung recalled in 1959, "I stepped out of a mist and I knew I am. I am what I am. And then I thought, 'But what have I been before?' And then I found that I had been in a mist, not knowing to differentiate myself from things; I was just one thing among many things."

Thirty years later, Jung had a bookbinder make an enormous volume covered in red leather into which he poured his explorations into himself. These explorations included some psychedelic drawings of mythical characters of his dreams and waking fantasies — explorations that Jung feared would make people think him mad.

It took Jungian scholar Dr. Sonu Shamdasani three years to convince Jung's family to bring the book out of hiding. It took another 13 years to translate it.

And still, the Red Book remains incomplete. The last word Jung wrote in the Red Book is "moglichkeit," or possibility.

Can you call this quivering frantic bird in my chest a heart at this stage?? I feel like I have seen these images though I haven't, in fact I feel they have haunted me in my unconscious. I came to this through looking up the connection of dreams-snakes-Jung and here! A vision! Somehow it seems that the questions that have plagued me about my own unconscious are finally ready to be answered by no other than by the greatest psycho-analyst of all time.

And then I read... Page 2, The Red Book

"The door of the Mysterium has closed behind me. I feel that my will is paralyzed and that the spirit of the depths possesses me. I know nothing about a way. I can therefore neither want this nor that, since nothing indicates to me whether I want this or that. I wait, without knowing what I'm waiting for.."

I have no words at this point, I'm sure if I looked closely I would actually see my heart trying to jump out of my chest. This is precisely the state I have been in for perhaps years now, perhaps my whole life. I haven't really been able to speak these words, but here they are. In fact I feel this is the state most of humanity has been occupying, Jung knew it would be and he saw into this collective unconscious state.

I have doubts as to why this book wasn't published sooner, cause every instinct in me, from subtle to course, every breath of intuition I ever had- tells me this is not only the most important book of the last century but the most important book for us NOW, this very instant. In this way perhaps it has come out precisely when it had to come out. 

I have doubts as to why this book is preposterously expensive, for being as important as it is.

But I have no doubts as to this- I will not get peace till I finish reading it. :)

Most definitely will be follow-ups to this after.

My top must-see documentaries in recent years

"Rather than love, than money, than fame-

give me truth."

Henry David Thoreau

Decided to do a small collection of some of the documentaries that have affected me in a profound way in recent years. Some of these movies enraged me, disgusted me, made me cry, but for me truth at this evolutionary stage of human consciousness is not only desirable, but necessary. Anger is there for a good reason and has a powerful, transformative energy behind it, which can help us free ourselves, become healthy and self-sufficient, and most of all- responsible and socially conscious beings. These films only scratch the surface of course and I already know I will forget to mention some, comments as for the omissions very welcome!  

~

Irena Salina’s award-winning documentary investigation into what experts label the most important political and environmental issue of the 21st Century – The World Water Crisis. Salina builds a case against the growing privatization of the world!s dwindling fresh water supply with an unflinching focus on politics, pollution, human rights, and the emergence of a domineering world water cartel. Interviews with scientists and activists intelligently reveal the rapidly building crisis, at both the global and human scale, and the film introduces many of the governmental and corporate culprits behind the water grab, while begging the question can anyone really own water?! Beyond identifying the problem, Flow also gives viewers a look at the people and institutions providing practical solutions to the water crisis and those developing new technologies, which are fast becoming blueprints for a successful global and economic turnaround. 

Watch "Flow: For the love of water."

~

Examines the role of the bottled water industry and its effects on our health, climate change, pollution, and our reliance on oil. The documentary is well structured and presents an overwhelming amount of evidence which will change the way anyone thinks about bottled and municipal water.

Both the “manufacture” of the water itself, and also where the bottles come from, where they go after use and how they influence our lives while they’re with us. The willful absence of major companies such as Coke, Pepsi and Nestle is extremely telling in light of all the material presented.

One can only hope that the small voice of this film will be heard over the huge booming commercial machine that these and other companies represent in the popular media. If you haven’t seen this movie, simply watch it. It’s that good and the information is something everyone should know.

Watch "Tapped"

~

With nutritionally-depleted foods, chemical additives and our tendency to rely upon pharmaceutical drugs to treat what's wrong with our malnourished bodies, it's no wonder that modern society is getting sicker. Food Matters sets about uncovering the trillion dollar worldwide 'sickness industry' and gives people some scientifically verifiable solutions for overcoming illness naturally.

"With access to better information people invariably 

make better choices for their health..."

Watch "Food Matters"

~

Food, Inc. lifts the veil on our nation's food industry, exposing how our nation's food supply is now controlled by a handful of corporations that often put profit ahead of consumer health, the
livelihood of the American farmer, the safety of workers and our own environment. Food, Inc. reveals surprising and often shocking truths about what we eat, how it's produced and who we have become as a nation. 

Watch "Food.Inc."

~

EARTHLINGS is a feature length documentary about humanity’s absolute dependence on animals (for pets, food, clothing, entertainment, and scientific research) but also illustrates our complete disrespect for these so-called “non-human providers.”

Watch "Earthlings"

~

How much outrage can a single multinational corporation inspire? How much damage can they inflict? The breathtaking new film, The World According to Monsanto, features a company that sets the new standard. From Iowa to Paraguay, from England to India, Monsanto is uprooting our food supply and replacing it with their patented genetically engineered creations. And along the way, farmers, communities, and nature become collateral damage.

The Gazette says the movie “will freeze the blood in your veins.” The Hour says it’s a “horrifying enough picture” to warrant “fury.” But most importantly, this critical film opens our eyes just in time.

Watch "The World According to Monsanto"

~

AIDS, Inc. is a film about the multi-billion dollar AIDS industry, and how it profits from continuing fears and misconceptions about the disease. While AIDS grabs the headlines and raises billions of dollars with celebrity endorsements and billionaire endowments, we are no closer to finding a cure than when the scourge first appeared 30 years ago.

Could it be that after so many years of research, and so much money being spent, that the entire orthodox medical establishment has been wrong about AIDS, or even worse, has sought to profit on a system that it knew was flawed from the beginning? Doctor Robert Gallo who discovered the HIV virus said that there is no legitimate dissent when it comes to AIDS.

But there are more than 5,000 physicians, microbiologists, journalists and activists who disagree and say that we have been misled about the real causes of AIDS and the nature of its treatment. The mainstream media has chosen not to provide an outlet for their opinions.

In this important film, documentary filmmaker and health expert Gary Null, traveled to more than 30 countries over an eight year period to seek them out and get their interviews. This is the first film on AIDS that brings the most compelling of their arguments together in one place. Dr. Null blows the lid off the wealthy AIDS industry and shows how greed and corruption have prevented any real progress in fighting the epidemic or its underlying causes.

Watch "Aids.Inc"

~

Evolution is a term to define only one organism and that's the self. The self is the universe, the self is the alpha and omega, god, and infinity, and that's the only thing that evolves because we are all part of the self. Nothing goes through an evolutionary process alone or without direct benefit to the whole.

So when you begin to think that there's this controlling elite, this controlling hand behind the curtains leading the planet to destruction. When you think the end is near, the apocalypse, Armageddon, and when you think we as a species are doomed, it is not they, it is you that brought this about, and for a very good reason. You are evolving. Stop blaming everybody and everything else. Quit panicking about global tyranny and natural disaster and pay attention, because the world is telling you something; it's tell you exactly what is wrong with you and how to fix it. 

Watch "Kymatica"

~

Startling and powerful, Control Room is a documentary about the Arab television network Al-Jazeera's coverage of the U.S.-led Iraqi war, and conflicts that arose in managed perceptions of truth between that news media outlet and the American military. Egyptian-American filmmaker Jehane Noujaim (Startup.com) catches the frantic action at Al-Jazeera headquarters as President Bush stipulates his 48-hour, get-out-of-town warning to Saddam Hussein and sons, soon followed by the network's shocking footage of Iraqi civilians terrorized and killed by invading U.S. troops. Al-Jazeera's determination to show images and report details outside the Pentagon's carefully controlled information flow draws the wrath of American officials, who accuse it of being an al-Qaida propagandist. (The killing of an Al-Jazeera reporter in what appears to be a deliberately targeted air strike is horrifying.) Most fascinating is the way Control Room allows well-meaning, Western-educated, pro-democratic Arabs an opportunity to express views on Iraq as they see it--in an international context, and in a way most Americans never hear about. --Tom Keogh

Watch "Control Room"

Alan Watts talks about enlightenment

This is one of my favourite clips by him on the subject, from a talk called "Limits of Language".

Musical background- "Love" by John Coltrane from the album "Meditations", why- because no other music other than jazz really does Alan Watts justice.

Images from flickr.com

P.B. Shelley- Invocation

Decided to try to do a reading of a poem this time, just for fun, just as something never tried before.
T'was a lovely candle-lit night with one of greatest mystical poets of all time. :)

Long over-due tribute to the magical country of Japan

This is a long over-due tribute to a country and a city which quickly became a favourite for me last autumn. 

~

After my first day in Tokyo, which was a blur of confusion, getting lost on the streets, armies of suits walking by and through me in a never-ending procession, seemingly faceless masks of hurried professionalism, amidst blinding lights and sharp music, not understanding a single street-sign or shop title, getting lost in the super-market, just once breathing out in a wonderful wooden bath in my ryokan, only to get lost on the streets once again- in fact by the end of my first day feeling so lost, alone, confused and in an alien world that for the first time in my life (no- I lie- my first day in India might have been similar) was wondering if this time I tried to bite off more than I can chew- I have escaped to my true destination and am in the cultural centre of Japan- Kyoto. Big cities were never my thing. Not that Kyoto is a small city mind you, but it has the instant warm welcoming air of one nevertheless. Wheew! 

I am in Kyoto. And I am in love. 

I am in love with the pleasant sunny glow of autumn which stirs and awakes on the warm colours of the trees as I take my daily morning walks by the canal. People crossing my path seem to be in no hurry, they amble slowly watching the wonder of autumn, or whirl by on bicycles. An instant feeling of peace, what a nice way to start the day.

The Japanese are devout worshippers of nature. In fact it was nearly impossible to find accommodation at this time of year, cause people travel from all over the country to observe the wonder of the colours of the autumn foliage in this city so beloved for its gardens around the temples.

Oh- how in love I am with the thousands of temples (a staggering 1600 Buddhist temples in fact) that surround this town and keep breathing life into it. 

Suddenly a passionate temple-walker, from first light into husky darkness which is especially eerie in a bamboo grove up the hills, there never seems to be enough day-light to See and Be in this haven of mystery and magic.

I am totally transfixed by the art-form that is the Japanese garden. No a gust of artificiality anywhere, every circle on sand drawn with some kind of superhuman power of focus and love, yet at the same time not a shade of an accident even in the location of the fallen leaves, nowhere an imperfection. Texture within layer within colour within texture, my eyes sink and sink into this marvel, into each such Temple for Nature. I take photos like I’m mad, surrounded by people taking photo after photo, it is a feast, it is some sort of ancient shamanistic ritual I have “accidentally” fallen into, I am feeling very Alice-like indeed. And when I go to sleep I dream of colours, of textures, of leaves, of circles on sands.

I am in love with the Japanese people. Shy at first, but with a deep kindness emerging soon after, almost relentless in politeness and manners, you would be wise to leave them the last word in thanking you, because they will always top your last thank you with an even more polite version and an even deeper bow. I learn to think twice before asking for directions, because even if they do not understand me or don’t know the place I search, people go so much out of their way to help me that no words like- thank you very much, don’t worry, I will find it, seem to release them from your small request for guidance. (Besides getting lost in this city is nothing if not wonderful). Always bowing and apologizing before taking the seat next to you on the tube. Mysterious, deep people with so much poise and such gentle being. I love the way they joyously shout welcome in a chorus when I enter a restaurant and the way my wonderful little inn-keeper tries to give me a present for the second time, merely because I have yet again extended my stay.

I am in love with the country-side of colour-bursting hills and little villages. 

Hiking up and down the river with countless of elderly locals, I am in awe of how fit they are and how much spring their steps hold, in fact from what I see I have a strange vision in my mind that these people will probably die perfectly healthy, in a middle of a hike, out of choice and nothing else. Everybody greeting me as if I was a dear acquaintance. I breathe in the fresh air, the chorus of Konnichiwaaaaaa (hello), and the infectious smiles.

I am in love with the meandering streets of the old Geisha district in the evening-time, spotless alleys with beautiful wooden houses, silent lantern-adorned alleys with only an occasional shadow disappearing around a corner or into some house, the whole feeling to it as if there is still a great secret in this place. Indeed the curtains to these seemingly quiet houses tremble occasionally, here is a whiff of a freshly cooked ramen, there is a chuckle of laughter and a rogue flicker of light from within. I am mesmerized and drawn like a moth to these streets and their secrets but only once catch a sight of a hurried perfectly clad geisha walking in her fast-paced small steps in front of me.

I am in love with the tea.

And of course the food.

I am in love with the way the high-tech and high-fashion city centre poses no apparent clash to the wealth of nature, culture, history and tradition that surrounds this city. It is not old vs. new, materialistic vs. spiritual- perhaps it is nature and love of nature here that blends in these opposites to a whole, the old embracing the new in loving arms through the wisdom of the seasons of nature.

I am also aware that I'm seeing everything in the superlative, yet isn't that the inescapable effect of being in love?

How quiet is my mind after 10 short days and mostly- full of awe, every step is accompanied by my spirit saying Wow! 

It is not difficult to see why Zen is rooted here. 

~

It was more than difficult to see Japan in disaster and mourning. My continuous heart-felt blessings to this wonderful country! 

    

My video tribute to Rabindranath Tagore

Excerpts from Gitanjali.

Music- Vision by Hildegard von Bingen, Richard Souther

Photos from Wikimedia Commons

Full-screen for better viewing quality.

A song of despair- Pablo Neruda

My first attempt at making a video had one clear result- a new-found appreciation for all that we watch on youtube. Very frustrating experience indeed, and will probably want to tweak it, but at least there is some version available until someone posts a better one! :) Can't wait for that!

Self-sabotage

Today I've been thinking about self-sabotage, the age-old enemy that many people see as their monster in the cupboard. Or is it?

I myself can identify with most of the common ways said to imply self-sabotage- procastrination, feeling stuck or without a purpose, driving away relationships etc. Check the article about this here- The top 7 Signs Of Self-sabotaging behaviour

So what can we do about this? Often I find that as soon as I realize I am self-sabotaging once again, my behaviour changes, self-awareness as always seems to be the key. Our reasons for self-sabotage are all a little different- working through your past to understand ourselves and getting down to the nitty gritty with our deepest fears... Whenever I find myself testing a relationship and pushing the boundaries, I try to remind myself that I am once again presented with an opportunity to heal the deepest issues from childhood, viewing the whole situation not as an obstacle but as a blessing. A healthier attitude is also shown in this

following article by C. Devin Hastings, I have yet to form an opinion about NLP but we can all take the first step by simply re-evaluating this concept a little.

"Have you ever said or felt that one of the following statements is true about you?

 

“How come I can’t lose weight” (control my temper/get up on time/or whatever).

 

“What’s wrong with me?  I know I shouldn’t do that.”

 

“I must be sabotaging myself (again).”

 

When I ask students in my classes if and of the above is true for them, I usually get a large variety of similar self-talk patterns. 

 

What is striking in every class I have taught around the U.S. and overseas, is that every person raises their hand when I next ask them if they have ever, at least once, engaged in self-sabotage. 

 

Self-sabotage (dark, deep inner forces over which we have no control) is a concept that was created by Sigmund Freud, the ‘Father Of Modern Mental Health’.  Just for the record, Freud snorted a lot of cocaine and really didn’t like women so, I find his ‘mental health’ theories just a tad suspect. 

 

The point here is that a frightening number of people subscribe to the belief that they were created with an inner terrorist that forces them to ‘self-sabotage’.  What a terrible way to live.

 

Think about it: If a person truly believes in self-sabotage, then what chance do they really have to change and be happy?  This ‘SS’ force (self-sabotage force) has all the characteristics of something that one really can’t control.  And, this uncontrollable force doesn’t even like the person in which it resides!

 

Here’s the truth about self-sabotage: It does not exist.  There simply is no such thing as self-sabotage. 

 

Now, when I say this in my classes, there is always a “lively” debate that ensues.  It seems that some people are hell bent are keeping their limitations and as some wag once said: “If you argue for your limitations, you get to keep them.”

 

However, for those people who are open-minded, their brains fall out.  Ha ha.  Just kidding.  I wanted to see if you were really reading this.

 

Seriously though, for those of you who are curious about challenging and changing a harmful, long held belief, then the following idea may be valuable to you: Self-sabotage does not exist because in reality, it is just a terrible and incorrect name for “inner miscommunication”.  

 

You see, self-sabotage is a ‘label’ for essential, unchangeable unworthiness.  And we all live up, or down to, labels we have about ourselves.

 

Speaking of harmful and inaccurate labels, do you think that you (or someone you know) have flaws? 

 

Most people answer, “Sure.  We’re only human so it’s normal to have flaws.”

 

Here’s the flaw with having flaws: Thinking they are real is very damaging because doing so is the emotional equivalent of staring at the sun in that it blinds a person to change. 

 

Thinking that you have flaws reinforces the idea of a deep unworthiness because a flaw is intrinsic and hence, very tough if not impossible, to change.

 

The point is this: Thinking that one has flaws is emotionally crippling because it perpetuates the whole self-sabotage belief pattern.

 

What if, instead, you (or someone you know) had ‘growth opportunities’?  Doesn’t that feel better?  Can you see how that label makes much more sense? 

 

Many people feel this new definition click into place because they deeply sense (in spite of an inner critical voice) that “growth opportunities” is a true description of reality.

 

Isn’t it true that flaws are limiting?  However, ‘growth opportunities’ nicely invite a person to accept that their current behaviour is what it is and that it does not have to be permanent.  The great thing about this more accurate perception of reality is that it gives a person a real opportunity to grow and change.

 

Now, let’s get back to self-sabotage.  As I said, it is a state of inner miscommunication based on an inaccurate message of worthiness that originated from some time in our past.  In other words, we have learned to incorrectly talk to ourselves about our-Self. 

 

And keep this important fact in mind:  As children, we are born with the tendency to like ourselves.  However, “as the twig is bent, so grows the tree” and most of us learn to talk to ourselves in ways that do not affirm our self-worth. 

 

In fact, some of us learned at a very young age that we, for some inexplicable reason, are born with terrible flaws and hence are unworthy.  (Womb experiences are very important but beyond the scope of this article.)

 

However, the truth is that children are created liking themselves.  As far as they are concerned, there is nothing wrong with them and they naturally give and expect healthy love because that is how they are made. 

 

Only some time later do many of us stop expecting healthy love and/or we develop odd ideas about what giving love is (to ourselves as well as others).  It is at this point when damaging inner miscommunication becomes entrenched."

Source article HERE, also with NLP techniques to eliminate self-sabotage.

The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock- T.S.Eliot

What a wonderful reading and a short version of this full poem here-

Let us go then, you and I,
When the evening is spread out against the sky
Like a patient etherised upon a table;
Let us go, through certain half-deserted streets,
The muttering retreats
Of restless nights in one-night cheap hotels
And sawdust restaurants with oyster-shells:
Streets that follow like a tedious argument
Of insidious intent
To lead you to an overwhelming question ...
Oh, do not ask, "What is it?"
Let us go and make our visit.

In the room the women come and go
Talking of Michelangelo.

The yellow fog that rubs its back upon the windowpanes,
The yellow smoke that rubs its muzzle on the windowpanes
Licked its tongue into the corners of the evening,
Lingered upon the pools that stand in drains,
Let fall upon its back the soot that falls from chimneys,
Slipped by the terrace, made a sudden leap,
And seeing that it was a soft October night,
Curled once about the house, and fell asleep.

And indeed there will be time
For the yellow smoke that slides along the street
Rubbing its back upon the window-panes;
There will be time, there will be time
To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet;
There will be time to murder and create,
And time for all the works and days of hands
That lift and drop a question on your plate;
Time for you and time for me,
And time yet for a hundred indecisions,
And for a hundred visions and revisions,
Before the taking of a toast and tea.

In the room the women come and go
Talking of Michelangelo.

And indeed there will be time
To wonder, "Do I dare?" and, "Do I dare?"
Time to turn back and descend the stair,
With a bald spot in the middle of my hair--
(They will say: "How his hair is growing thin!")
My morning coat, my collar mounting firmly to the chin,
My necktie rich and modest, but asserted by a simple pin--
(They will say: "But how his arms and legs are thin!")
Do I dare
Disturb the universe?
In a minute there is time
For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse.

For I have known them all already, known them all--
Have known the evenings, mornings, afternoons,
I have measured out my life with coffee spoons;
I know the voices dying with a dying fall
Beneath the music from a farther room.
So how should I presume?

And I have known the eyes already, known them all--
The eyes that fix you in a formulated phrase,
And when I am formulated, sprawling on a pin,
When I am pinned and wriggling on the wall,
Then how should I begin
To spit out all the butt-ends of my days and ways?
And how should I presume?

And I have known the arms already, known them all--
Arms that are braceleted and white and bare
(But in the lamplight, downed with light brown hair!)
Is it perfume from a dress
That makes me so digress?
Arms that lie along a table, or wrap about a shawl.
And should I then presume?
And how should I begin?

. . . . .

Shall I say, I have gone at dusk through narrow streets
And watched the smoke that rises from the pipes
Of lonely men in shirt-sleeves, leaning out of windows? . . .

I should have been a pair of ragged claws
Scuttling across the floors of silent seas.

. . . . .

And the afternoon, the evening, sleeps so peacefully!
Smoothed by long fingers,
Asleep . . . tired . . . or it malingers,
Stretched on the floor, here beside you and me.
Should I, after tea and cakes and ices,
Have the strength to force the moment to its crisis?
But though I have wept and fasted, wept and prayed,
Though I have seen my head (grown slightly bald) brought in 
upon a platter,
I am no prophet--and here's no great matter;
I have seen the moment of my greatness flicker,
And I have seen the eternal Footman hold my coat, and snicker,
And in short, I was afraid.

And would it have been worth it, after all,
After the cups, the marmalade, the tea,
Among the porcelain, among some talk of you and me,
Would it have been worth while,
To have bitten off the matter with a smile,
To have squeezed the universe into a ball
To roll it towards some overwhelming question,
To say: "I am Lazarus, come from the dead,
Come back to tell you all, I shall tell you all"--
If one, settling a pillow by her head,
Should say: "That is not what I meant at all.
That is not it, at all."

And would it have been worth it, after all,
Would it have been worth while,
After the sunsets and the dooryards and the sprinkled streets,
After the novels, after the teacups, after the skirts that trail along the floor--
And this, and so much more?--
It is impossible to say just what I mean!
But as if a magic lantern threw the nerves in patterns on a screen:
Would it have been worth while
If one, settling a pillow or throwing off a shawl,
And turning toward the window, should say:
"That is not it at all,
That is not what I meant, at all."

. . . . .

No!I am not Prince Hamlet, nor was meant to be;
Am an attendant lord, one that will do
To swell a progress, start a scene or two,
Advise the prince; no doubt, an easy tool,
Deferential, glad to be of use,
Politic, cautious, and meticulous;
Full of high sentence, but a bit obtuse;
At times, indeed, almost ridiculous--
Almost, at times, the Fool.

I grow old . . . I grow old . . .
I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled.

Shall I part my hair behind?Do I dare to eat a peach?
I shall wear white flannel trousers, and walk upon the beach.
I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.

I do not think that they will sing to me.

I have seen them riding seaward on the waves
Combing the white hair of the waves blown back
When the wind blows the water white and black.

We have lingered in the chambers of the sea
By sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brown
Till human voices wake us, and we drown.