Acting and directing performance of the year for me... "Shame"

Had to make a tribute to one of the most memorable movies I've seen this year, "Shame". 

This movie is for those who applaud a bit of provocation from the artists, who are open to go on a journey with the characters, even if the journey is dark and bleak, those who see movies not be merely entertained, but to be moved, to feel, to find beauty where there is none. 

As I was watching this film I kept changing my thinking and feeling toward the character and the film in general, it was only after I had sunk into it when I understood that the director Steve McQueen was creating this movie as a pure channeling of art. My feeling of the piece was that it was visual and free of moralizing, there wasn't any message the film tried to give (though most critics and viewers of course are ready to find it) other than being a portrait of a soul in a time (but then hasn't it always been relevant) and the pure notion of addiction, familiar to many. I commend this movie for so much but mainly for the fearless and flawless acting, and for the respect that the director and writer has for the viewer. 

"'Midnight Cowboy." "Carnal Knowledge." "Eyes Wide Shut." "Black Swan." To the canon of indelible New York sex melodramas, let us welcome "Shame." This transfixing new entry follows a wolf through his urban terrain with the dispassionate gaze of an NC-17 wildlife documentary. Brandon (Michael Fassbender) sniffs out his quarry's pheromones on the subway, at bars, even in the glassy office suite where he is a star player doing something vague and lucrative. His approach is sure and feral, climaxing in kinetic, desensitized copulation and release without satisfaction.

"Shame" is emotionally grueling, but the performances are riveting, the visuals are stunning and bruised humanity oozes from every scene.

Fassbender is a magnetic camera subject, dapper, knee-bucklingly handsome, with the flawless physique of a health-club devotee. It's what he hides, though, that makes him fascinating. His powerhouse performance is a combo platter of raw, emotionally naked moments and secrecy. You watch him in an ecstasy of hypothesis, scanning for clues. Brandon's apartment is as clean and functional as an Apple store. When you glimpse what's hiding in his closet, it's like a slap in the face.

The poetic film, written and directed by English visual artist Steve McQueen, appreciates Manhattan's polarities of antiseptic sheen and grime. The camera shuttles between chic conference rooms, hotels and restaurants and skeevy Chelsea street corners and docks. Beneath the glamorous "creative class" setting with its fetishized interior design and wardrobe, ugly things are wriggling in the dirt.

We follow Brandon for an unspecified period, which is appropriate; to an addict weekends and months look alike. We see him playing wingman to his clumsy, chattering boss David, a would-be player (James Badge Dale), caring for his sister, Sissy (Carey Mulligan), who needs a couch to crash on after a breakup, and circling his co-worker Marianne (Nicole Beharie). Between these relationships, Brandon has sex on an industrial scale with prostitutes and strangers.

There's something deeply destructive about Brandon's drive. He tells Marianne that his longest relationship lasted four months, and the prospect of commitment demolishes him. When she introduces a note of tenderness into their relationship, Brandon's libido short-circuits. His only real smile comes when he's taunting a bruiser to deck him for groping the jealous man's girl.

"Shame" explores Brandon's loveless compulsion with graphic explicitness and understated insight. There's a radioactive erotic tension between Fassbender and Mulligan, who plays his cabaret singer sister with ripe-lipped sensuality. When this cuddly/carnal gamine shows up on his doorstep, he's alternately protective, resentful and guilt-stricken. We note the old scars on her wrists, her hospital bracelet, her casual nudity around Brandon and sexual acting-out with David, and write our own back story.

"We're not bad people," she tells her brother, "we just come from a bad place." It's a great line that could indicate anything from a pathological childhood to Original Sin.

In one of the film's many bravura passages, Sissy croons "New York, New York" in a glittering cabaret. As Brandon listens, his carefully defended composure cracks and he sheds a tear. It might be for himself, or for Sissy's soon-to-be-broken dreams. As the camera holds on Fassbender's infinitely expressive face, you know you are witnessing the implosion of a soul."

Colin Covert "Star Tribune" 

The time for masks to wear, and masks to fall

"There will be time to put on a face to meet the faces that you meet." T.S.Eliot

Halloween- a night with profound meaning and importance in my book, and of course just plain fun as well, always a bonus. :) 

A night when age becomes meshed together- grown-ups become children and children practise looking at the darkness of the world yet to be experienced.

A sort of Jungian night to forget who we're supposed to be and play out the archetypes. The night of exploring that very fascinating land of shadows and boundaries people normally tend to avoid. No wonder its my favourite holiday.

Its a night for realizing together that we are dreaming, whether on a conscious or subconscious level.

Its a night to realize we are active creators of our lives, in fact free to choose to play any role and any character at all. 

Its a night that feels more real for me than any other night of the year. When I am OPENLY a fictional character and another looks me in the face as a fictional character- what an experiential, real, shared sense of liberation, even for a moment. Its a night with just enough more carefree, just enough more egoless, just enough more playful interaction to make me always look forward to it. To look forward to see the masks put on and the masks of our ego somewhat falling.

Its a night to play in the dark. For so many to allow themselves to face fear in some manner, no matter how frivolous the outer level. How refreshing, be it once a year.

Maybe if we wear enough masks then we will discover our true identity? Why oh why does the celebration of masks make me feel such utter optimism, paradox is thy name- Life!

What your Halloween costume says about you

By NANCY CHURNIN / The Dallas Morning News 

Usually, most of us try to be on our best behavior. We dress appropriately, speak politely and try to fit in with others where we work, where we socialize and where we go to school. Then comes Halloween, where despite the economy, 64.5 percent of consumers plan to spend a total of $5.77 billion on the holiday this year, according to the National Retail Federation's recent survey.

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It's an opportunity for a shy musician to transform into a scary witch and for children to don fairy wings and imagine themselves in flight.
And that's great, says Ron Schenk, a Jungian analyst with private practices in Dallas and Houston.
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"Halloween gives a place for those parts of our psyche that don't fit in," Dr. Schenk says. "You can dress up as a princess and feel you are the center of the universe. If you're scared, you can deal with your fear by dressing up as something dark and powerful. You can give your inner yearnings a place at the table, to acknowledge that that they are part of you."
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Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung, the founder of analytic psychology, identified archetypes, such as that of the hero, as universal patterns that exist in our subconscious and emerge in a variety of forms. He also described what he calls the "shadow," such as the monster, as the part of ourselves that we deny and sometimes project onto others.

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An essential component of Jungian therapy is to accept our desires and fears and integrate them into our lives. Dr. Schenk believes Halloween can provide a great release, especially in tough times like these where many may be too tense to fully express our hopes and fears. And that makes it all the more important not to worry about what others think, but to be guided by your own inner voice telling you who you need to be.

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We talked with local Halloween fans who are doing just that. Here are their thoughts and Dr. Schenk's on what they chose to wear.

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HERO.
Richmond Punch, 28, artistic director of the Dallas Uptown Youth Orchestra, has been dressing up for years as the star of Undercover Brother, a 2002 film starring Eddie Griffin about a man who goes undercover to fight an evil establishment. At first glance, the mild-mannered Juilliard-trained musician seems as if he's going for his opposite when portraying this smart-talking, gold necklace-wearing toughie with the big Afro. But on closer inspection, Undercover Brother is a hero who saves the day. And a hero is very much how one can view Mr. Punch, who has devoted himself to the challenge of bringing music into the lives of underprivileged kids by persuading their parents to give them the opportunity to be in an orchestra for the first time.
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Why Mr. Punch likes it: "He rescues people. I feel strong when I wear this costume. I feel that I can change things in this world as he did."

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Dr. Schenk says this seems like a good fit for Mr. Punch, noting that the hero wears many faces, from Superman to the Lone Ranger to Harry Potter. "The hero figure is born in an unnoticed place, raised in obscurity, and emerges to try on a role that is larger than life. The hero often is an alter ego, wearing a mask or taking on a mysterious identity. He or she goes over the line, in an epic battle or quest to get the hard-to-attain treasure and bring it to the right place."
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FAIRY PRINCESS.. .
Jessica Shen, 7, and her sister, Crystal, 3, love Halloween. And Jessica says that this year, she will be trick or treating in her favorite costume ever. Two years ago she was a bumblebee, but the costume was a little hot. Last year, she was Sleeping Beauty, but the dress was a little loose on her shoulders. This year she thinks she has it just right as a fairy princess who can fly. It's even more fun that her sister likes to wear a costume just like it. 
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Why Jessica likes it: "I like when people say my sister and I are so pretty and so cute," says Jessica. "And I like the way the wings make me feel that I'm flying in the wind."

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Dr. Schenk finds this a very positive choice, especially for younger children. "Girls need to have the feeling of being the center of the universe, a quality which is at the core of positive self-esteem. You can't build a healthy personality if you don't feel worthiness at your core."
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WITCH 
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Erin Hannigan, 36, principal oboe of the Dallas Symphony Orchestra, usually crafts her own funny costume, like a moose, or a slice of pizza or a candy bar, to make kids laugh when she performs at the DSO's annual Halloween family concert. But when she goes to a Halloween party for adults, she prefers dressing up as something scary like a witch. 
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Why Ms. Hannigan likes it: "I'm a pretty shy person. It's empowering when I dress up as a witch because they're aggressive, and that's not who I am. Also, every day I try to get myself to look as good as I can. So it's fun to go out there and look as hideous as possible, which is completely different than I do the other 364 days of the year. It feels like an adventure." Dr. Schenk describes the witch as a figure that would appeal to someone who is creative. "

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Witches are powerful. They have a connection with supernatural forces. The image of the boiling cauldron transforms even the mundane act of cooking into something magical."
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MUMMY
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Humberto Gallego Montes, 5, has been obsessed with mummies ever since he started hearing about them at his preschool at the Museum of Nature & Science. His mother, Maria, says he talks about how he wants to live forever and take all his treasures with him. He also tells her he doesn't want to scare anyone. Humberto wants to be a "funny mummy" that makes people laugh. During the phone interview, Ms. Montes says he made a mummy out of aluminum foil and wrapped it with toilet paper.
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Why Humberto likes it: "I want to feel how it is to be wrapped around. I like the idea of preserving my body forever so they can remember me."
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Dr. Schenk notes that this choice touches on the desire for eternal life and a hunger to learn. "In a culture like ours that denies death, mummies suggest that chemical treatments and special concoctions can help you live forever. Also, there's a sense that wisdom will come if you can live through the ages."

VAMPIRE 
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Stephanie Kozlovsky, 16, has wanted to be a vampire ever since reading Stephenie Meyer's best-selling Twilight series. She brought her friend and fellow Twilight fan, Audrey Hodson, 16, to get their pictures taken as what she calls "newborn" vampires. She is drawn to the idea of eternal life, of the romance of the story and the allure of being different.

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Why Stephanie likes it: "I like the sense of power that vampires have and that they have such a hard choice between good and evil. I like the way Edward [the vampire in the book] has to overcome his thirst for blood not to hurt Bella. And I like the way that for one night I can look so wild and crazy. It helps me get all that out of my system so I don't mind going back to school the next day in my uniform."
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Dr. Schenk speculates that the growing interest in vampires in popular culture may be a reaction to cultural repression. "The popularity of vampires might be attributed to a thirst for soul or life in its raw, pristine form, not homogenized, not sterilized or white-washed, but with all the passion and instinct, grit and guts, which are associated with the 'dark side.' Blood is the flow right at the core of life. It signifies essential experience which is often painful, yet makes life real.

A defence of individuality, be it extremism (RIP Amy Winehouse)

Is it better to fade away or to burn out? This is the question on many minds after another early death in the tumultuous calling of being a talented rock star. 

Would you rather soar and fall magnificently, or roll along peacefully for a long time, perhaps never touching neither heaven nor hell? Is it a choice?

I feel its not a choice.

I feel we are each born with our own energy signature and our own limits and that they vary greatly. I also feel that we need to touch our personal limits to know where they are. Is it scary? Of course. Is it dangerous? Doubly so but what about the danger of not self-actualizing and never being the best we can be, if we want to know that border we can very easily feel its counter-part. 

I am not judgemental against drugs but of course the danger of drugs does lie in the loss of the innate knowledge of our limits and in crossing over and yet I cannot for the life of me see the "bad" in that either, life and death, hell and heaven, its a chaotic merry-go-round of course, but "bad" has sort of lost meaning for me, especially after all the experiences of the brightest light peeking out namely of the blackest of nights.

My personal answer is- I prefer to soar and to fall, because that's how I am and always have been. And were it not for my need to find the light as the anti-dote to the most dark states of my youth and were it not for the utter saving grace that fell on me in the form of mystical experiences years ago, I would not still be here, and in fact I still struggle with the thought of the easy ticket back "home" in now rare but inevitable occasions, though its not an option for me anymore, nor has it apparently ever truly been, I'm here aren't I. :) At the same time I am grateful for my hells cause I know they were my gateway to the heavens, and this seems to be a common experience. How can we judge those who make that oh-so-brave effort!

You have to have a little bit of extremity (your personal kind) to reach certain heights and that state IS groundless, shaky, unsafe, but we have to have the open mind to see that our borders might not be the same as the borders of others and thus the level of unsafety varies also. To judge those who are truly in the fires, while drifting on a raft in clear and peaceful waters- it seems unfair. And yes- sometimes its immeasurably hard to keep on going if you're going like that, sometimes it feels impossible. I do understand those who choose peace early on. On the positive note- the hells are inseparable from the heavens, but one CAN learn to get friendly with them. To all my fellow extreme beings I say- it gets better as the years go by, the most dangerous years are the late teens and early 20s, after that the worst is over and one has experiential knowledge of- I have survived once, twice, many times- I can survive this too and much easier. The heaven lengthens immeasurably, the hells get almost minuscule and its probable that one will feel very grateful for being exactly the person one is for all the blessings. 

Our personal limits are simply too varied to make judgements in the lines of- what a shame, what a waste of a talent, what a stupidity to get into that kind of life-style, most people who make judgements like that are living well within safe limits, and dub the people whose borders extend to the actual borders of experience, mentally ill. I disagree, with respect. Its so easy to put people on medication cause they don't fit in and are feeling so much more acutely, but if they know how to deal with it (and definitely at least it takes a long time to see if they are not innately able to learn how to cope with it), perhaps in fact soar as individuals namely because of these peculiarities- then leave them as they are, offer only love, a sympathetic ear and understanding. How can one living within safe borders truly know the minds and fates of such who are made to travel the full length of the human experience? And then again if some of those acutely feeling types choose to end this particular existence- by free will- then for me this is the true human right of every single person. What is this idea that everybody SHOULD live until they are old and sick, why do we judge people who are free of such ideas?

As a dweller of the borders my whole life- it is an existence that is full of life and death at the same time, in fact as much unbearably full of life as of death, no matter the duality and whats more- going beyond duality namely because of the extremes. Thankfully I personally had the faith in the light at the end of the tunnel even at those self-harming desperate times. I would not have wanted to dull myself down, to become someone not myself artificially, and by this- robbing myself of the gifts that were to come. It was a wisdom to trust myself. It is a wisdom of ourselves to be born exactly as we are. Self-awareness is the only drug we need.

So RIP Amy Winehouse, my full understanding for your struggles, and only my gratitude- for all the songs and talent!

C.G.Jung- "The Red Book". Oh awe! Oh soul!

I see these images and my heart skips a beat. What can this be? How can this be? 

Of course it is "The Red Book" by C.G.Jung, published 2009, I am only 2 years late for where I was always meant to come.

The first words of Carl Gustav Jung's Red Book are "The way of what is to come."

What follows is 16 years of the psychoanalyst's dive into the unconscious mind, a challenge to what he considered Sigmund Frued's — his former mentor's — isolated world view. Far from a simple narrative, the Red Book is Jung's voyage of discovery into his deepest self.

The voyage began at age 11. "On my way to school," Jung recalled in 1959, "I stepped out of a mist and I knew I am. I am what I am. And then I thought, 'But what have I been before?' And then I found that I had been in a mist, not knowing to differentiate myself from things; I was just one thing among many things."

Thirty years later, Jung had a bookbinder make an enormous volume covered in red leather into which he poured his explorations into himself. These explorations included some psychedelic drawings of mythical characters of his dreams and waking fantasies — explorations that Jung feared would make people think him mad.

It took Jungian scholar Dr. Sonu Shamdasani three years to convince Jung's family to bring the book out of hiding. It took another 13 years to translate it.

And still, the Red Book remains incomplete. The last word Jung wrote in the Red Book is "moglichkeit," or possibility.

Can you call this quivering frantic bird in my chest a heart at this stage?? I feel like I have seen these images though I haven't, in fact I feel they have haunted me in my unconscious. I came to this through looking up the connection of dreams-snakes-Jung and here! A vision! Somehow it seems that the questions that have plagued me about my own unconscious are finally ready to be answered by no other than by the greatest psycho-analyst of all time.

And then I read... Page 2, The Red Book

"The door of the Mysterium has closed behind me. I feel that my will is paralyzed and that the spirit of the depths possesses me. I know nothing about a way. I can therefore neither want this nor that, since nothing indicates to me whether I want this or that. I wait, without knowing what I'm waiting for.."

I have no words at this point, I'm sure if I looked closely I would actually see my heart trying to jump out of my chest. This is precisely the state I have been in for perhaps years now, perhaps my whole life. I haven't really been able to speak these words, but here they are. In fact I feel this is the state most of humanity has been occupying, Jung knew it would be and he saw into this collective unconscious state.

I have doubts as to why this book wasn't published sooner, cause every instinct in me, from subtle to course, every breath of intuition I ever had- tells me this is not only the most important book of the last century but the most important book for us NOW, this very instant. In this way perhaps it has come out precisely when it had to come out. 

I have doubts as to why this book is preposterously expensive, for being as important as it is.

But I have no doubts as to this- I will not get peace till I finish reading it. :)

Most definitely will be follow-ups to this after.

Self-sabotage

Today I've been thinking about self-sabotage, the age-old enemy that many people see as their monster in the cupboard. Or is it?

I myself can identify with most of the common ways said to imply self-sabotage- procastrination, feeling stuck or without a purpose, driving away relationships etc. Check the article about this here- The top 7 Signs Of Self-sabotaging behaviour

So what can we do about this? Often I find that as soon as I realize I am self-sabotaging once again, my behaviour changes, self-awareness as always seems to be the key. Our reasons for self-sabotage are all a little different- working through your past to understand ourselves and getting down to the nitty gritty with our deepest fears... Whenever I find myself testing a relationship and pushing the boundaries, I try to remind myself that I am once again presented with an opportunity to heal the deepest issues from childhood, viewing the whole situation not as an obstacle but as a blessing. A healthier attitude is also shown in this

following article by C. Devin Hastings, I have yet to form an opinion about NLP but we can all take the first step by simply re-evaluating this concept a little.

"Have you ever said or felt that one of the following statements is true about you?

 

“How come I can’t lose weight” (control my temper/get up on time/or whatever).

 

“What’s wrong with me?  I know I shouldn’t do that.”

 

“I must be sabotaging myself (again).”

 

When I ask students in my classes if and of the above is true for them, I usually get a large variety of similar self-talk patterns. 

 

What is striking in every class I have taught around the U.S. and overseas, is that every person raises their hand when I next ask them if they have ever, at least once, engaged in self-sabotage. 

 

Self-sabotage (dark, deep inner forces over which we have no control) is a concept that was created by Sigmund Freud, the ‘Father Of Modern Mental Health’.  Just for the record, Freud snorted a lot of cocaine and really didn’t like women so, I find his ‘mental health’ theories just a tad suspect. 

 

The point here is that a frightening number of people subscribe to the belief that they were created with an inner terrorist that forces them to ‘self-sabotage’.  What a terrible way to live.

 

Think about it: If a person truly believes in self-sabotage, then what chance do they really have to change and be happy?  This ‘SS’ force (self-sabotage force) has all the characteristics of something that one really can’t control.  And, this uncontrollable force doesn’t even like the person in which it resides!

 

Here’s the truth about self-sabotage: It does not exist.  There simply is no such thing as self-sabotage. 

 

Now, when I say this in my classes, there is always a “lively” debate that ensues.  It seems that some people are hell bent are keeping their limitations and as some wag once said: “If you argue for your limitations, you get to keep them.”

 

However, for those people who are open-minded, their brains fall out.  Ha ha.  Just kidding.  I wanted to see if you were really reading this.

 

Seriously though, for those of you who are curious about challenging and changing a harmful, long held belief, then the following idea may be valuable to you: Self-sabotage does not exist because in reality, it is just a terrible and incorrect name for “inner miscommunication”.  

 

You see, self-sabotage is a ‘label’ for essential, unchangeable unworthiness.  And we all live up, or down to, labels we have about ourselves.

 

Speaking of harmful and inaccurate labels, do you think that you (or someone you know) have flaws? 

 

Most people answer, “Sure.  We’re only human so it’s normal to have flaws.”

 

Here’s the flaw with having flaws: Thinking they are real is very damaging because doing so is the emotional equivalent of staring at the sun in that it blinds a person to change. 

 

Thinking that you have flaws reinforces the idea of a deep unworthiness because a flaw is intrinsic and hence, very tough if not impossible, to change.

 

The point is this: Thinking that one has flaws is emotionally crippling because it perpetuates the whole self-sabotage belief pattern.

 

What if, instead, you (or someone you know) had ‘growth opportunities’?  Doesn’t that feel better?  Can you see how that label makes much more sense? 

 

Many people feel this new definition click into place because they deeply sense (in spite of an inner critical voice) that “growth opportunities” is a true description of reality.

 

Isn’t it true that flaws are limiting?  However, ‘growth opportunities’ nicely invite a person to accept that their current behaviour is what it is and that it does not have to be permanent.  The great thing about this more accurate perception of reality is that it gives a person a real opportunity to grow and change.

 

Now, let’s get back to self-sabotage.  As I said, it is a state of inner miscommunication based on an inaccurate message of worthiness that originated from some time in our past.  In other words, we have learned to incorrectly talk to ourselves about our-Self. 

 

And keep this important fact in mind:  As children, we are born with the tendency to like ourselves.  However, “as the twig is bent, so grows the tree” and most of us learn to talk to ourselves in ways that do not affirm our self-worth. 

 

In fact, some of us learned at a very young age that we, for some inexplicable reason, are born with terrible flaws and hence are unworthy.  (Womb experiences are very important but beyond the scope of this article.)

 

However, the truth is that children are created liking themselves.  As far as they are concerned, there is nothing wrong with them and they naturally give and expect healthy love because that is how they are made. 

 

Only some time later do many of us stop expecting healthy love and/or we develop odd ideas about what giving love is (to ourselves as well as others).  It is at this point when damaging inner miscommunication becomes entrenched."

Source article HERE, also with NLP techniques to eliminate self-sabotage.

The power of vulnerability

"When a man is living, he is soft and supple.When he is dead, he becomes hard and rigid.When a plant is living, it is soft and tender.When it is dead, it becomes withered and dry.
Hence, the hard and rigid belongs to the company of the dead:The soft and supple belongs to the company of the living.
Therefore, a mighty army tends to fall by its own weight,Just as dry wood is ready for the axe.
The mighty and the great will be laid low;The humble and the weak will be exalted."

Lao Tzu "Tao Teh Ching"

Here is an excellent talk by Brene Brown on TED Talks "The power of vulnerability"

I was profoundly moved by this talk cause I have recognized the importance of vulnerability often. Numbing oneself seems to be a survival tactic that I personally have always both been talented in but also tirelessly rebelled against. I remember writing...

      The clouds collapsed, leaving me in a block of ice. My heart was in Antarctica and it was no holiday I enjoyed, there was no sight of penguins or polar bears, no presence of anything whatsoever. No feelings, no sense of beauty, no love, no hate, just a nothingness. Ice obstructs the movement of the soul, you become lifeless, the blood freezes in your veins. For two days I was an ice queen, did not care about anything, anyone, hurt people, but I guess this had been exactly the escape I had needed- a safe place where nothing made a difference. Yesterday, sitting on the street and feeling the wind and the Sun, I realised something- I mourned my heart, I longed for my insecurities and fears as well as love. The self-protective shutdown that my subconscious mind had performed was in fact the greatest enemy of all and THAT had made me loose everything- life, love, myself... I understood that I have to risk it all and trust it all, or let everything go cause there was no way I was going to stomach that ice age for another second. And as the wind blew from the south it slowly cracked the iceberg, the Sun melted its hard crust. I will always savour that blissful moment when I first heard my heartbeat again, when small scared quivering rays of light from my core of being peeked out with such exquisite tenderness, so fragile, it was an unbelievable experience. The first breath after was like a drink of water after a draught, I felt it consume the whole of me, caressing the born-again sensitiveness with a protective might. My breath had longed for my heart as well, being forbidden from there was like having had its child taken away from it. For long after just the experience of following the path of my breath made me cry from joy- is there anything more beautiful than the meeting of the heart and the soul? The beauty of it shattered me so completely. It’s just sad the way we have to experience the loss of something before experiencing that which was always there. 

And then there was peace.

Peace with my fears, peace with everything I can loose in this world. Without sensitivity there is nothing that matters, that realisation was so beautiful it made my heart ache. I so missed the pain and the joy connected to the pain. 

How wide is the range of human experience! How special and strong is every single human being, especially cause of their fragility! 

I still fight against the habitual falling into the clogs of self-numbing, but I will never stop to aspire towards continuous vulnerability and openness.

 

Shadow self

"To confront a person with his shadow is to show him his own light. Once one has experienced a few times what it is like to stand judgingly between the opposites, one begins to understand what is meant by the self. Anyone who perceives his shadow and his light simultaneously sees himself from two sides and thus gets in the middle."


— DR. CARL GUSTAV JUNG



“The psychological rule says that when an inner situation is not made conscious, it happens outside as fate. That is to say, when the individual remains undivided and does not become conscious of his inner opposite, the world must perforce act out the conflict and be torn into opposing halves.” - C.G.Jung

The Shadow, is a psychological term introduced by the late Swiss psychiatrist, Dr. Carl G. Jung. It is everything in us that is unconscious, repressed, undeveloped and denied. These are dark rejected aspects of our being as well as light, so there is positive undeveloped potential in the Shadow that we don’t know about because anything that is unconscious, we don’t know about.

The Shadow is an archetype. And what an archetype simply means is that it is typical in consciousness for everyone. Everyone has a Shadow. This is not something that one or two people have. We all have a Shadow and a confrontation with the Shadow is essential for self awareness. We cannot learn about ourselves if we do not learn about our Shadow so therefore we are going to attract it through the mirrors of other people.

- From article "The Shadow Dance-Understanding Repetitive Patterns in Relationships"

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The unconscious mind is a powerful tool, a guide, a helping hand to let us see what it is that we are missing from our wholeness, what haven't we accepted as parts of ourselves, what is holding us back. The stronger our shadow aspect is, the stronger are the connecting fears.
I realised today, doing shamanic meditations, that my shadow totem animal is the snake.

When I was young I fell seriously ill. This was straight after a traumatizing experience of running away from a snake in the living room of our country house. For about a week I was raving with high fever and hallucinating. I remember only the snakes- snakes covering the floors, the walls, hanging down from a ceiling. My grandfather, who I had a profound link with, was having nightmares at the same time, he was walking in the shadow lands of death with me, as he later said. On leaving me behind as he woke, he was afraid that I would remain in those shadows forever.

Whenever I have nightmares now, the subject has never changed, I am still haunted by snakes. What has changed though is a realisation that maybe there is something within me in my subconscious mind that is desperately trying to connect with me. As if little chippings of self are separated from us during traumas and then look so alien to us that we don't recognise our own spirit fragments anymore. Now I see that perhaps I have been trying to avoid and to run away from an important part of myself.


As Jung says, "Filling the conscious mind with ideal conceptions is a characteristic of Western theosophy, but not the confrontation with the shadow and the world of darkness. One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious."


And from shamanism: "As the Shadow Totem walks, flies or swims beside us, we may come to understand, and ultimately integrate, the darker reflection of our Personality. By understanding the Contrary Medicine that this Animal Spirit brings to us and absorbing the Lessons and Wisdom he/she has to impart, we transmute the Medicine from something to be feared or repressed, to an integrated and cohesive Center.

When the pain of past traumas have been embraced, healed and resolved, then we may look upon our Shadow Totem in a new light, understanding that all along, he/she is merely a reflection cast from our own unresolved issues, lessons and pain.  With understanding, healing and integration, the Shadow is no longer a separate and dark entity that relentlessly pursues us, and we come to see that where our footsteps fall, no fractured Shadow is cast, for there is only the light of the Integrated Self. "


Also an interesting article from the Buddhist view on facing the shadow self - "Inviting the demon".

Wounded healer

Oil painting "The Journey of a Wounded Healer" by Alex Grey

~One of the deeper, underlying archetypal patterns which is being constellated in the human psyche that is playing itself out collectively on the world stage is the archetype of the “wounded healer.” To quote Kerenyi, a colleague of Jung who elucidated this archetype, the wounded healer refers psychologically to the capacity “to be at home in the darkness of suffering and there to find germs of light and recovery with which, as though by enchantment, to bring forth Asclepius, the sunlike healer.” The archetype of the wounded healer reveals to us that it is only by being willing to face, consciously experience and go through our wound do we receive its blessing. To go through our wound is to embrace, assent, and say “yes” to the mysteriously painful new place in ourselves where the wound is leading us. Going through our wound, we can allow ourselves to be re-created by the wound. Our wound is not a static entity, but rather a continually unfolding dynamic process that manifests, reveals and incarnates itself through us, which is to say that our wound is teaching us something about ourselves. Going through our wound means realizing we will never again be the same when we get to the other side of this initiatory process. Going through our wound is a genuine death experience, as our old self “dies” in the process, while a new, more expansive and empowered part of ourselves is potentially born.

Going through and embracing our wound as a part of ourselves is radically different than circumnavigating and going around (avoiding), or getting stuck in and endlessly, obsessively recreating (being taken over by) our wound. The event of our wounding is simultaneously catalyzing a deeper (potential) healing process which requires our active engagement, thus “wedding” us to a deeper level of our being. Jung’s closest colleague, Marie Louise Von Franz, said “the wounded healer is the archetype of the Self [our wholeness, the God within]…and is at the bottom of all genuine healing procedures.”~

This excellent article by Paul Levy in full here

Laughter- a special gift from evolution

The first hoots of laughter from an ancient ancestor of humans rippled across the land at least 10 million years ago, according to a study of giggling primates.

Researchers used recordings of apes and babies being tickled to trace the origins of laughter back to the last common ancestor that humans shared with the modern great apes, which include chimpanzees, gorillas and orangutans.

The finding challenges the view that laughter is a uniquely human trait, suggesting instead that it emerged long before humans split from the evolutionary path that led to our primate cousins, between 10m and 16m years ago.

From http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/2009/jun/04/laughter-primates-apes-evolution-tickling

Laughter brings with it a host of positive effects that operate on both the physical and mental levels. It is also fun, expressive, and a way to release tension. Learn to laugh in the present moment, and you'll find that joy is always there.

http://www.dailyom.com/articles/2005/584.html

The Point of Existence- transformations of narcissism in self-realization

Rating:	★★★★★
Category:	Books
Genre:	Other
Author:	A. H. Almaas

In this book, the author explores the underlying spiritual understanding of narcissism. He presents a detailed map of the steps involved in working through barriers that prevent us from recognizing the most essential nature of our true identity.

Definitely not a book that you just breeze through and forget. Every chapter is detailed, deep and meticulously well thought out, and you want to read many things over and over. An absolute classic in understanding psychology, the most potentially helpful book for anybody, whether they are on a spiritual path or not.