The origin, longing and beauty of love- Pablo Neruda and Stephen Trask

"The memory of you emerges from the night around me. 

The river mingles its stubborn lament with the sea. 

Deserted like the dwarves at dawn. 

It is the hour of departure, oh deserted one! 

Cold flower heads are raining over my heart. 

Oh pit of debris, fierce cave of the shipwrecked. 

In you the wars and the flights accumulated. 

From you the wings of the song birds rose. 

You swallowed everything, like distance. 

Like the sea, like time. In you everything sank! 

It was the happy hour of assault and the kiss. 

The hour of the spell that blazed like a lighthouse. 

Pilot's dread, fury of blind driver, 

turbulent drunkenness of love, in you everything sank!

 

In the childhood of mist my soul, winged and wounded. 

Lost discoverer, in you everything sank! 

You girdled sorrow, you clung to desire, 

sadness stunned you, in you everything sank! 

I made the wall of shadow draw back, 

beyond desire and act, I walked on. 

Oh flesh, my own flesh, woman whom I loved and lost, 

I summon you in the moist hour, I raise my song to you. 

Like a jar you housed infinite tenderness. 

and the infinite oblivion shattered you like a jar. 

There was the black solitude of the islands, 

and there, woman of love, your arms took me in. 

There was thirst and hunger, and you were the fruit. 

There were grief and ruins, and you were the miracle. 

Ah woman, I do not know how you could contain me 

in the earth of your soul, in the cross of your arms!

 

How terrible and brief my desire was to you! 

How difficult and drunken, how tensed and avid.  

Cemetery of kisses, there is still fire in your tombs, 

still the fruited boughs burn, pecked at by birds. 

Oh the bitten mouth, oh the kissed limbs, 

oh the hungering teeth, oh the entwined bodies. 

Oh the mad coupling of hope and force 

in which we merged and despaired. 

And the tenderness, light as water and as flour. 

And the word scarcely begun on the lips. 

This was my destiny and in it was my voyage of my longing, 

and in it my longing fell, in you everything sank! 

Oh pit of debris, everything fell into you, 

what sorrow did you not express, in what sorrow are you not drowned! 

From billow to billow you still called and sang. 

Standing like a sailor in the prow of a vessel.

You still flowered in songs, you still brike the currents. 

Oh pit of debris, open and bitter well. 

Pale blind diver, luckless slinger, 

lost discoverer, in you everything sank! 

It is the hour of departure, 

the hard cold hour which the night fastens to all the timetables. 

The rustling belt of the sea girdles the shore. 

Cold stars heave up, black birds migrate. 

Deserted like the wharves at dawn. 

Only tremulous shadow twists in my hands. 

Oh farther than everything. Oh farther than everything. 

It is the hour of departure. Oh abandoned one!"

~Pablo Neruda "Song of Despair"

Honoring Liu Xiaobo

"But I still want to tell the regime that deprives me of my freedom, I stand by the belief I expressed 20 years ago in my hunger strike declaration – I have no enemies, and no hatred. None of the police who monitored, arrested and interrogated me, the prosecutors who prosecuted me, or the judges who sentence me, are my enemies. While I'm unable to accept your surveillance, arrest, prosecution or sentencing, I respect your professions and personalities. This includes the prosecution at present: I was aware of your respect and sincerity in your interrogation of me on 3 December.

For hatred is corrosive of a person's wisdom and conscience; the mentality of enmity can poison a nation's spirit, instigate brutal life and death struggles, destroy a society's tolerance and humanity, and block a nation's progress to freedom and democracy. I hope therefore to be able to transcend my personal vicissitudes in understanding the development of the state and changes in society, to counter the hostility of the regime with the best of intentions, and defuse hate with love.

I firmly believe that China's political progress will never stop, and I'm full of optimistic expectations of freedom coming to China in the future, because no force can block the human desire for freedom. China will eventually become a country of the rule of law in which human rights are supreme. I'm also looking forward to such progress being reflected in the trial of this case, and look forward to the full court's just verdict – one that can stand the test of history.

Ask me what has been my most fortunate experience of the past two decades, and I'd say it was gaining the selfless love of my wife, Liu Xia. She cannot be present in the courtroom today, but I still want to tell you, my sweetheart, that I'm confident that your love for me will be as always. Over the years, in my non-free life, our love has contained bitterness imposed by the external environment, but is boundless in afterthought. I am sentenced to a visible prison while you are waiting in an invisible one.

Your love is sunlight that transcends prison walls and bars, stroking every inch of my skin, warming my every cell, letting me maintain my inner calm, magnanimous and bright, so that every minute in prison is full of meaning. But my love for you is full of guilt and regret, sometimes heavy enough to hobble my steps. I am a hard stone in the wilderness, putting up with the pummeling of raging storms, and too cold for anyone to dare touch. But my love is hard, sharp, and can penetrate any obstacles. Even if I am crushed into powder, I will embrace you with the ashes.

Given your love, my sweetheart, I would face my forthcoming trial calmly, with no regrets about my choice and looking forward to tomorrow optimistically. I look forward to my country being a land of free expression, where all citizens' speeches are treated the same; where different values, ideas, beliefs, political views ... both compete with each other and coexist peacefully; where, majority and minority opinions will be given equal guarantees, in particular, political views different from those in power will be fully respected and protected; where all political views will be spread in the sunlight for the people to choose; [where] all citizens will be able to express their political views without fear, and will never be politically persecuted for voicing dissent.

I hope to be the last victim of China's endless literary inquisition, and that after this no one else will ever be jailed for their speech.

Freedom of expression is the basis of human rights, the source of humanity and the mother of truth. To block freedom of speech is to trample on human rights, to strangle humanity and to suppress the truth.

I do not feel guilty for following my constitutional right to freedom of expression, for fulfilling my social responsibility as a Chinese citizen. Even if accused of it, I would have no complaints." 

Liu Xiaobo's statement, given in his trial on 23 Dec, 2009. Source.

OSLO, Norway – Imprisoned Chinese dissident Liu Xiaobo won the 2010 Nobel Peace Prize on Friday for using nonviolence to demand fundamental human rights in his homeland. The award ignited a furious response from China, which accused the Norwegian Nobel Committee of violating its own principles by honoring "a criminal."

Chinese state media immediately blacked out the news and Chinese government censors blocked Nobel Prize reports from Internet websites. China declared the decision would harm its relations with Norway — and the Nordic country responded that was a petty thing for a world power to do.

This year's peace prize followed a long tradition of honoring dissidents around the world and was the first Nobel for China's dissident community since it resurfaced after the Communists launched economic but not political reforms three decades ago.

Liu, 54, was sentenced last year to 11 years in prison for subversion. The Nobel committee said he was the first to be honored while still in prison, although other Nobel winners have been under house arrest or imprisoned before the prize.

Other dissidents to win the peace prize include German pacifist Carl von Ossietzky in 1935, Soviet dissident Andrei Sakharov in 1975, Polish Solidarity leader Lech Walesa in 1983 and Myanmar democracy leader Aung San Suu Kyi in 1991.

The Nobel committee praised Liu's pacifist approach, ignoring threats by Chinese diplomats even before the announcement that such a decision would result in strained ties with Norway. Liu has been an ardent advocate for peaceful, gradual political change rather than confrontation with the government, unlike others in China's highly fractured and persecuted dissident community.

More from this article here.

Every day the road is new..

Many times, as I’m on the way to work, riding a bus and walking through the same streets day by day, I feel deeply at peace and in a blissful state. At home in this perpetual movement, I feel a tremendously satisfying unity with everything and everyone that passes through and by. 

At other times that connectedness grows to a level of being too sensitive to it all. Suddenly overwhelmed by the energies of every random stranger that passes me by, I am tossed from feeling their sadness, their bitterness, their anger, their grief, guilt- in a rapid movement I feel thrown through the emotional suffering of person after person, it is not an easy experience to go through at all. The most heart-breaking moment of it is when it settles from feeling each person to feeling the whole over-all energy of all the people that I pass- it is always one of hopelessness, tiredness, loneliness, loss- this is the generic background feeling from each of my intuitive moments. Its an empty feeling. It is a cold place. And I have to hold myself back from shouting out loud- you are alive, each and every one of you miracle beings, wonderful life-seeds- you are blessed with life, with this wonderful planet! It’s a gift. 

But I don’t.

Cause I know that it’s a game that everybody has chosen to play.

And then there are those other times. The times when I myself am playing the game. When I walk as if on an alien planet. When I feel alone myself, the odd one out, the one who just doesn’t fit. This is a curse for all of us spiritual beings I know, it is a hard experience to live within a majority who does not understand, yet anyway. What I feel though is that this same sensitivity and the life-path of aspiring towards being full-fledged human spirit has to bare this cross, in fact it is part of our growth. We would not have the inner inclination to walk our own way, no matter the loneliness of that path, UNLESS we also had the strength to be ok with that. We are never given more than we can handle.

Its always the same road that I take to work. And every day the the road is new. Cause it is we who are in movement. It is a wave through ease and difficulty. But let the light on the path grow through all the waving. It will, even if you seem to be pulled and pushed, back and forth, day by day you take a tiny step towards the light, even if for the moment that truth is blocked, and thats all that is needed.

Are you an indigo adult/child?

Indigos have a warrior spirit, because their collective purpose is to mash down old systems that no longer serve us. They are here to quash government, educational, and legal systems that lack integrity. To accomplish this end, they need tempers and fiery determination.

Those adults who resist change and who value conformity may misunderstand the Indigos. They are often mislabeled with psychiatric diagnoses of Attention Deficit with Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) or Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD). Sadly, when they are medicated, the Indigos often lose their beautiful sensitivity, spiritual gifts and warrior energy..........

Indigo Children can sense dishonesty, like a dog can sense fear. Indigos know when they're being lied to, patronized, or manipulated. And since their collective purpose is to usher us into a new world of integrity, the Indigos inner lie-detectors are integral. As mentioned before, this warrior spirit is threatening to some adults. And the Indigos are unable to conform to dysfunctional situations at home, work, or school. They don't have the ability to dissociate from their feelings and pretend like everything's okay ..."

"Indigo Adult Characteristics

• Are intelligent, though may not have had top grades.
• Are very creative and enjoy making things.
• Always need to know WHY, especially why they are being asked to do something.
• Had disgust and perhaps loathing for much of the required and repetitious work in school.
• Were rebellious in school in that they refused to do homework and rejected authority of teachers, OR seriously wanted to rebel, but didn't DARE, usually due to parental pressure.
• May have experienced early existential depression and feelings of helplessness. These may have ranged from sadness to utter despair. Suicidal feelings while still in high school or younger are not uncommon in the Indigo Adult.
• Have difficulty in service-oriented jobs. Indigos resist authority and caste system of employment.
• Drug/alcohol abuse is not uncommon to numb the internal emotional and Spiritual pain.
• Easily disorganized and may have excessive clutter and are not able to handle it, due to your lack of focus.
• Prefer leadership positions or working alone to team positions.
• Have deep empathy for others, yet an intolerance of stupidity.
• May be extremely emotionally sensitive including crying at the drop of a hat (no shielding) Or may be the opposite and show no expression of emotion (full shielding).
• May have trouble with RAGE.
• Have trouble with systems they consider broken or ineffective, ie. political, educational, medical, and legal.
• Alienation from or anger with politics - feeling your voice won't count and/or that the outcome really doesn't mattter.
• Frustration with or rejection of the traditional American dream - 9-5 career, marriage, 2.5 children, house with white picket fence, etc.
• Anger at rights being taken away, fear and/or fury at "Big Brother watching you."
• Have a burning desire to do something to change and improve the world. May be stymied what to do. May have trouble identifying their path.
• Have psychic or spiritual interest appear fairly young - in or before teen years.
• Had few if any Indigo role models. Having had some doesn't mean you're not an indigo, though.
• Have strong intuition.
• Random behavior pattern or mind style - (symptoms of Attention Deficit Disorder). May have trouble focusing on assigned tasks, may jump around in conversations.
• Have had psychic experiences, such as premonitions, seeing angels or ghosts, out of body experiences, hearing voices.
• Very critical and judgemental about what's happening in the world and the lack of consciouness of the people. 
• Can feel not in body, not grounded, not "here".  You are more comfortable out in the ethers. May have awareness of other dimensions and parallel realities.
• Sexually are very expressive and inventive OR may reject sexuality in boredom or with intention of achieving higher spiritual connection. May explore alternative types of sexuality.
• Seek meaning to their life and understanding about the world May seek this through religion or spirituality, spiritual groups and books, self-help groups and books.
• Easily bored and frustrated. Can go from job to job to job.  Have a challege staying in one place for too long.  Your resume can look like a short novel.  :)
  
  
  
  
  When they find balance they may become very strong, healthy, happy individuals.
  
  
  
  
  Please note, anyone could have a few of these traits, but Indigo Adults have most or all of these characteristics. "
  
  

"The Indigo/Crystal phenomenon is the next step in our evolution as a human species. We are all, in some way, becoming more like the Indigo and Crystal people. They are here to show us the way... By their very presence, they assist others to move into these new vibrations and open up to their full potential as well. The Indigo-crystal gift to the planet is the gift of Evolution and access to our full potential, for every human being on the planet today, if they so choose.

Until fairly recently, all humans born on Earth were born as Third Dimensional beings. This means that they were fully in the material plane or realm, and their consciousness was "locked" into the Third Dimension. They functioned on the first three chakras, the material, the emotional and the mental. Where there was spirituality, it was usually seen as something outside or other than normal every day functioning.

The Third Dimensional being is aware of him or herself as a separate and unique individual. There is no real sense of the unity or oneness of consciousness that is a factor of higher dimensional consciousness. Because of this sense of separation, humans have built a society that has very little awareness of the interconnectedness of beings and actions. And because of this lack of awareness, humans have created a planet of sorrow and suffering, where individuals see no need to be responsible for their thoughts, feelings and actions. Fear of not surviving on the individual level, because of lack of resources, has led to greed and imbalances that need to be addressed in order to create a stable planetary home for all humans.

The Indigo children arrived with the key to multi-dimensionality. They were born into Third Dimensional bodies, but their consciousness was effectively in the Fourth Dimension and capable of moving into the Fifth. When this "wave" of Indigo consciousness arrived on the planet in the early 1970s, the way was opened for all humans and the planet itself to shift into the Fourth Dimension.

At the Fourth Dimensional level of Consciousness, humans become aware of the Universal Law of One, otherwise known as "Unity Consciousness". This Law states that we are all One, we are all connected and that whatever affects one of us affects all of us. Indigo children carry this awareness in their consciousness, and it leads them to be warriors for many causes that will heal the Earth and stop humans from destroying and polluting their environment and harming other humans.

The Law of One also fosters the understanding in Indigo beings that we are all equal, and that no one is greater than any other. This group consciousness and group awareness is the path to the future for humans. We will learn to function co-operatively and for the good of all if we are to create the New Earth that we desire.

Indigos respect the talents and abilities of each individual, but these talents do not make any one greater than anyone else. The play of ego and self-importance has no real place in the life of an Indigo.

When an Indigo awareness opens into the Fifth Dimension, it becomes aware of itself as a Creator. Fifth Dimensional awareness loves to create. All the religious belief systems and the economic systems on Earth today are Fifth Dimensional Though Form creations that we hold in place by our continued support of these thought forms. They form a Fifth Dimensional grid around the Earth. Most lower- dimensional beings are completely unaware that their thoughts and behaviour patterns are being controlled from this level.

When the Indigo awareness opens to this level, there is often a rejection of all belief systems and a consciousness of the freedom to create new and alternative ways of thinking and being. The Indigo person takes on the planetary mission of creating and bringing in new ways of thinking and being for Planet Earth. But, at this level the consciousness is still concerned with dualities of "good" and "bad", that determine what kind of system is best for Earth. The next step in consciousness is to move beyond duality and into a realm where all is seen as part of the greater good and for the good of the greater whole.

This advanced state is known as Sixth Dimensional Consciousness, and is the realm of the Christed Child or Magical Child. All Crystal children are born into this level of awareness. They have immediate access to the magical and spiritual aspects of who they are, and are able to blend imagination and creation in fantastic and joyous ways. If they were left to their own devices, they would immediately create a magical planet. But, they still have to deal with a largely Third Dimensional consciousness, and they struggle with the patterns and behaviours that they find here.

When an adult Indigo consciousness makes the shift into the Crystal state or awareness, they enter into Sixth Dimensional awareness and the Christ Consciousness seed. They are rebirthed, in consciousness, as a Christed or Magical child. With this comes an awareness of the playfulness of life, and the play of Spirit through human beings on this planet. Then all life is seen as magical and blessed, and all life is directed and advanced through the work of spirit. At this point, the being understands the principle of surrender to the flow of the greater evolutionary wave, while still exercising the right to be a creator on the individual level.

The Crystal consciousness, when it has matured enough at this level, can then move into the Seventh Dimensional level, where awareness opens onto the nature of the spiritual mission of the being. A Crystal or Christed adult at this level is ready to take on a planetary mission as a carrier of higher dimensional consciousness to others. The work may involve teaching and healing on a grand scale, or it may simply be to carry the energy in the auric field so that others may access the higher vibrations in their own upwards ascension path.

The Crystal child and adult now carry the potential to open fully to the Ninth level or Full Christ Consciousness. This incorporates the Eighth level, or Archetypal level, where the being has full control over the "story" of their life on earth, and the Ninth level, where the being assumes full responsibility for stewardship of the Planet.

The potential then exists for the being to continue on the journey to the Tenth level, where the being accesses his or her Solar System responsibilities; the Eleventh level, where the Galactic level of consciousness is accessed and finally the Twelfth level, where the Gold Ray of Universal Consciousness inaugurates the being as a Full Universal Being. The Thirteenth level represents the Master, who enters into the Divine Mystery as a fully conscious spark of the Divine Creative Essence."

http://www.starchildascension.org/starchild/

www.metagifted.org

For the fellow starchildren/adults who are looking for advice or more understanding there are communities and pages out there, here is a good one www.indigosociety.com

Strength and courage! May all beings be blessed!

The Fountain

"Death is a road to awe"

Therefore, the Lord God banished Adam and Eve from the garden of Eden and placed a flaming sword to protect the tree of life. - Genesis 3:24

Film critic Robert Roten,

"“The Fountain” is the most ambitious film I've seen in a long time, and one of the most beautiful to watch, too. It attempts to explain the meaning of life and death. This message is probably going to be lost on most people... 

The ideas presented in “The Fountain” are very familiar to Buddhists and those of us who have followed the writings of philosopher Joseph Campbell, and the many others who have followed similar spiritual journeys...

The structure of the film suggests an evolution in religious ideas, starting with Christianity in the time of the conquistadors (and the Spanish Inquisition), mingling with Mayan beliefs, and ending up with a Buddhist idea of non-ego consciousness. The philosopher Joseph Campbell argued that all religions have certain common core beliefs. Scientific studies have found that in their deepest meditative states, both Eastern and Western religious believers arrive at the same mental place, a place which seems to exist outside of space and time, where one's ego seems to disappear and the believer seemingly achieves a singularity with the source of all being. Although one can certainly argue “The Fountain” depicts a kind of religious evolution, it can also be argued that it depicts a nexus, a conjunction of various religious traditions at the point where they converge and merge. This film can be understood on multiple levels, and can be misunderstood on multiple levels. It certainly helps one's understanding of the film if you are versed in more than one religious tradition, if you are familiar with the works of philosophers such as Joseph Campbell or Dr. Wayne Dyer, or other similar philosophers. It also helps if you know some astronomy, some chemistry and biology. It also helps if you are a seeker of truths beyond those which you may currently embrace. It helps if you believe that human beings are vastly more similar than they are different. It helps if you believe there is a connection between everything, that things are not as separate as some people think they are. It helps if you believe our current level of existence is not the only one. It helps if you are a spiritual person. How you approach this film depends a lot on what you believe. As for what I believe. I believe this film rates an A."" Full review

Personal notes: I was blown away by this movie and even though I realise that I am very late in watching it and making this small tribute to it, it is still better late than never to firmly put it to my top all time movie list. Most of all I applaud the director Darren Aronofsky, who is one of my favourite directors ever since "Requiem for a Dream", for being one of the very few (yet for some reason cannot remember another one at all at the moment) film-makers to treat the subject of death in such a deep and sane manner. Of course it takes the main character an epic dramatic journey to reach the understanding of the unity of life and death, but he does reach it and the visual imagery accompanying his "becoming whole" is simply out-of-this-world. 

Also can't give enough credit to the amazingly talented Clint Mansell who composed the score, he simply stuns me every time!

You can find the history of the concept of the tree of life here and another article from www.sacredearth.com here. 

"The torrent pours from an invisible source the point of entry being the center of the symbolic circle of the universe, the immovable spot of the Buddha legend around which the world may be said to revolve. Beneath this spot is the earth supporting head of the cosmic serpent, the dragon, symbolical of the waters of the abyss, which are the divine life-creative energy and substance of the demiurge, the world generative aspect of immortal being. The Tree of Life, i.e. the universe itself grows from this point."
~ Joseph Campbell, The Hero With A Thousand Faces)

Strength and courage to be oneself

"In order for us to liberate the energy of our strength, our weakness must first have a chance to reveal itself"

~Paolo Coelho "The Witch of Portobello"

Just one of the books I read on my trip by Coelho and as always found myself very much inspired. Coelho has a wonderful talent for that. His writing is simple, symbolic, yet its the simplicity that works the best for his oh-how-important message... Be yourself, always follow your heart, never stop dreaming or having faith in your dreams. Have the courage to be a true individual, find your own song and dance, your inner joy- only thus can you help others who are suffering. 

In many cases in order to find oneself and live from one's source it is necessary to go against the grain, against good public opinion, against the norms of the society, against the wishes of one's family... Risking the loss of loved ones by doing so. How many of us have the courage? Yet if I think of the reward- discovering ones Divinity, Joy, Power, understanding the very reason we chose to be born into this life and live, really Live- with passion and truth and love, thus inspiring others! Isn't that worth even the deepest loss in an everyday sense?

Glimpses from the road- Cambodia

I wake up for the third time and slowly rub my eyes. I’m covered with sweat, the bed smells of dust, it is still dark outside but the first rays of sun are half-waking on the slits of the blinds. I sit up, tear open the mosquito net and try to breathe.

The first two times I woke up I had no idea where I was, what time it was, it took me a while to realize that of course the pitch black I was occupying was Rabbit Island, a small island off the south coast of Cambodia, where there is no electricity in the night-time (hence no fan and the greater than normal for the tropics night-sweats and the confusion) or indeed through most of the day, save for a few hours in the evening. The dumb-founding separation from civilization, the utter being in nature, the peace and silence of this island was in fact the reason I made a small refuge to this place.

Nothing but the rhythmic beating of the waves of the ocean against the small tree-laden beach. A handful of huts and a police station. And crickets of course.

There isn’t a lot I am taking refuge from in fact, in Cambodia I always feel close to nature and in sync with the natural rhythm of life. The people are simple, joyful, friendly and all my experiences here have been filled with laughter, energy and peace. 

Yet there is still a lot here that I am taking refuge in. In the ocean itself, the mirror of my consciousness. In the relentless sun which embraces in oneness the ecstasy of my spirit in these days of freedom, as well as roasting my body. In the jubilant chase and play of dogs in the shallow waters. In the mystery of the candle light in my small room, basic to the core, with only a bucket of cold water for a shower (who would want hot water in this climate anyway?). Most of all I take refuge in myself, for nowhere have I found such quietude and peace, nowhere has the link to my larger body been felt easier.

How beautiful is this place!

And how little we truly need for happiness! Peace, deep and fulfilling, is there for us, to be found in a split second- looking at a sunset, watching birds fly, exchanging a smile or any other moment of being here, being now. Its as if we become the beauty that we see, there are no little thoughts in us that separate us from the outside. There is no outside. In the era of communication our goal is to restore communication. Technology cannot achieve this for us, only we can re-establish the relationship to others, to nature, but most importantly- to ourselves. Seeing beauty stops our frantic minds. Seeing beauty creates a space within, an empty space where breath has left us for a moment, thoughts have silenced. This is the true gift of beauty I feel and why it is so important. Suddenly, in that moment all worries have vanished into the thin air, dissolved into the nothingness from which they were created. This void, created by the beauty of the outside world will then be filled by the beauty of our inner universe, with peace, bliss and love. We only recognize beauty because we possess it ourselves. Because we know how to love we recognize when nature is creating all its marvels out of love, out of joy, out of a free, playful mood.

My hair is a thick bulk of the salt and wetness of the sea in the day and my heart is a quivering of the playful fireflies around me at night. I swim perhaps seven times in one day but it can hardly be called swimming. Every bodily movement has become a spirited prayer, a meditation, but most of all a surrender. I have no direction other than the waves, this way or other, I am the waves and they are me.

There is nothing much to do here, on Rabbit Island, besides swimming and Being.    

Glimpses from the road- India

Cows.

            Colour.

                                                                                    Noise.

                                    Smells.

                              Beggars.

                                                               Dirt.

                                                                                                                Eagles.

                 Touts.

                                                                                                                          Temples.  

    Monks.

                                            Flies.

                                                                                 Noise.

                                                                                         Noise.

INDIA?

INDIA.

INDIA!

The bus waves along central Tamil Nadu towards Kerala. Calling this metal box a bus is of course a grand promotion for the poor old thing. I can hardly see out of the murky muddy windows, enormous dust clouds escape the hard cushions of the seats as we take giant leaps at every pothole. It must hang on the god of perseverance, Vishnu, to hold this thing together. Yet here in India I am one with the grime and the germs, one with Life in all its forms.

How I love to watch the landscapes and peoplescapes of India! Nowhere in the world have I seen such beauty of variety. In a single glimpse of the eye one can catch the whole world it seems, there is beauty and ugliness, sadness and laughter, colour. So much colour exploding from the rice-paddies, the jungles of palm-trees, the multi-hued shoe-box houses, the stalls selling flowers, fruits, spices, but above all it is the women who paint this country a rainbow. Is there a sight more magical than the gentle flowing of the bright silk saris, they come in all possible patterns and colours and some in seemingly impossible ones. With their thick black shiny hair adorned with petals of aromatic flowers, their golden nose and earrings, Indian women represent the earth and the beauty of this land, there is no doubt about that.

At every moment I am trying to devour all that I can with my sight, there is so much life going on at such great speed. India is like a mini Universe to itself it seems. I dare not close my eyes though I haven't slept for four days, I don't want to miss anything.

The bus comes to a halt now in a little station. Before I can get out, I have to make way for all the salesmen rushing against me. They sell everything imaginable- from food and drinks to juice presses, irons, maps, head massagers. Out of the bus I am instantly approached by another sort of salespeople. They sell pity, compassion and a hope of improving ones karma. Some beggars also sell the beauty of their children, with a baby on their arm they smile at you with utmost charm. The older beggar ladies have lost all that sort of arsenal and grab you or poke you with a demanding rudeness. I give all of them my compassion. But there are a few, usually older gentlemen, who come at you with humility, with peaceful eyes and a genuine smile. They give you a gift of their presence and the gifts from the heart have to be returned. This hunched man here stands in a respectful distance from me. He is silent. He looks full of prayer. I approach him myself and give him all my change. I see from the look of surprise in his eyes that he cannot believe his luck, yet he changes nothing in his demeanor. He bows to me and smiles again, I smile back. It was a beautiful exchange of humanity, based on respect, nothing was demanded, and the gift was mutual. I have felt many times here that sometimes giving can be much trickier than receiving, and wrongful, selfish giving as harmful as stealing.

I return to the bus and sit back to my seat. Next to me is a new passenger- a middle aged man. He is wearing gray suit trousers, a khaki shirt, glasses and he is reading a newspaper. I give him a casual friendly smile even though I am very much aware of the dangers of such an innocent gesture. Plenty of times I too have fallen victim to a syndrome in India I call the Roaming Hands Syndrome. The Hands can come from anywhere, mostly in public transport which has to bare about double their intended passenger load, they can peek out unexpectedly from between seats or little cracks of windows, god bless you when you're standing. The Hands are not connected to the Brain, that I know for sure. Every time when I have caught the Hands and reproached them, the Face has looked dumbfounded, in complete shock, as though they had suddenly awoken from a dream. Sexual repression- in no other place in the world are the repercussions of that crime felt more than in the spiritual India. I turn my glance back to the Osho book I am reading at the moment and agree with him when he says that it is easy to be either a sinner or a saint, but both of these negate and try to escape the real challenge and the real gift of being a human being. Both of these are extremes, half-lives. A human being is meant to be in that conflict, in a pulling between the lower animal nature and the higher spiritual part. This condition cannot be run away from, because it is not a curse- it is an opportunity for transcendence.

In any other circumstance, in any other country, I would have a strong reaction to the all-too-tactile men. Yet here in India it seems I have more peace and composure, it is ironic that when the hassles are truly many, they cease to be so full of hassle. So I will give this gentleman and all the owners of the roaming hands the gift of faith in humanity and the compassion for the challenges they all have in the way to behave.

The older gentleman asks, "Country?" "Estonia", I reply, "It's a small country in Europe." To this I get the usual reply of wobbling the head from side to side. All Indian heads wobble, it is magical and very funny to watch people converse. To this day I haven't deciphered the meaning of this, it can be yes, no, maybe, I don't know. Usually it just seems an affirmation of having heard what the other has said.

"Married?" "No", I smile. Of course this would be the time to lie to be safe, yet I am an advocate of truth, almost an addict to it in fact.

"Job?" "No" I reply once again. Although sometimes I write a traveler on immigration cards and under pay scratched feet and tend to get into trouble for my little jokes with the bureaucrats at times. The biggest trouble you can get to comes through honesty though. In one airport I was just straight to the core. Basically I presented the lady behind the counter a blank sheet. Student- no. Working- no. Address in India- none. Phone number- none. This shocked her beyond belief and finally I had to give her a random business card from a place we were staying two months back, because to her a person like me, who did not fill any boxes at all, well that was just preposterous. A lie, a lie was much better than that.

"How old?" "29." A wobbling head.

Meeting an Indian person always makes me feel like I am having an exam or a job interview. A head-wobble and a smile lets me know that I have passed.

Of course twenty minutes later he fails my own little exam of him, which the universe has presented, his hands get disconnected and I stare at him with a piercing look that makes him leave seats, bowing, apologising, bowing, apologising. Oh well- it is still better to see the best in people I feel.

I used to say that I travelled because I was on the search to find myself. I cannot say this anymore. I am on the road, because I am the road. In India at least, I am not running. India dissolves time. In India all roads are one road and one road is all, India melts down feet. India is for flying. Precisely the fact that India gets you so close to the ground, and this also literally- expect black soles that you will scrub for months- it lifts you above it all. To surrender is to over-come. To over-come is to hold in endless fascination.

India is so fascinating precisely because of its extremes. Extremes must always meet and when the outer world is strung to the limit with noise, the inner world has the opportunity to be quiet. India gives any traveler a clear choice it seems- be frustrated and annoyed by it or find the acceptance and love that all of us do possess, thus seeing the beauty and incredible richness and power of this country one would otherwise miss. 

Here the experiences from one end to another are always mixed together to a sparkling large cocktail. Nobody can tell you what the ingredients are but you know you are hooked to the taste. It is intoxicating and depressing yet it also gives you health and energy, joy and vitality. It is an elixir of the youth of spirit and of peace of the old. India is like a battery, it carries the highest charge I’ve ever felt in a country to fulfilling a human beings potential of being conscious. Landing on its soil is like a hand of a mother that shakes the sleeping child who is late for school. The energy of India is a powerful chanting- wake up, wake up, wake up!

Finally, the bus stops at a little crumbling bus-station on a dusty old square. I gently wake up the small boy who has been sleeping with his head on my shoulder. I give one more look, forgiving, to my fellow male passenger, still looking back at me as he exits the bus. 

Another Indian city is ahead. I smile, take a breath and melt into the flow of the exiting crowd.