Many times, as I’m on the way to work, riding a bus and walking through the same streets day by day, I feel deeply at peace and in a blissful state. At home in this perpetual movement, I feel a tremendously satisfying unity with everything and everyone that passes through and by.
At other times that connectedness grows to a level of being too sensitive to it all. Suddenly overwhelmed by the energies of every random stranger that passes me by, I am tossed from feeling their sadness, their bitterness, their anger, their grief, guilt- in a rapid movement I feel thrown through the emotional suffering of person after person, it is not an easy experience to go through at all. The most heart-breaking moment of it is when it settles from feeling each person to feeling the whole over-all energy of all the people that I pass- it is always one of hopelessness, tiredness, loneliness, loss- this is the generic background feeling from each of my intuitive moments. Its an empty feeling. It is a cold place. And I have to hold myself back from shouting out loud- you are alive, each and every one of you miracle beings, wonderful life-seeds- you are blessed with life, with this wonderful planet! It’s a gift.
But I don’t.
Cause I know that it’s a game that everybody has chosen to play.
And then there are those other times. The times when I myself am playing the game. When I walk as if on an alien planet. When I feel alone myself, the odd one out, the one who just doesn’t fit. This is a curse for all of us spiritual beings I know, it is a hard experience to live within a majority who does not understand, yet anyway. What I feel though is that this same sensitivity and the life-path of aspiring towards being full-fledged human spirit has to bare this cross, in fact it is part of our growth. We would not have the inner inclination to walk our own way, no matter the loneliness of that path, UNLESS we also had the strength to be ok with that. We are never given more than we can handle.
Its always the same road that I take to work. And every day the the road is new. Cause it is we who are in movement. It is a wave through ease and difficulty. But let the light on the path grow through all the waving. It will, even if you seem to be pulled and pushed, back and forth, day by day you take a tiny step towards the light, even if for the moment that truth is blocked, and thats all that is needed.
Beautiful story, Hille! The feelings you describe are very familiar to me. :)
ReplyDeleteThe wise in his tower
ReplyDeleteLooks down at the madding crowd
With impartial gaze.
Masters see the world
As mountain dwellers see those
Who live on the plain.
-Buddha
A bit of Buddha dispassionate equanimity to balance your natural compassionate empathy. It surprised me at first that Buddha would say things like this...but I think his lesson is not to share or heal or judge the pain of others because that is distracting from the place of Spirit. But then he as Buddha did this, but perhaps this is because he was already enlightened...
Carrie- always grateful for the shared wave-length. Honoured to meet a wonderful person like you. :)
ReplyDeleteOkei- I understand these words even though I have little faith in them being Buddha's words. We must always remember that the actual people never wrote anything down, and mostly not even their direct followers. Just think about the game of telephone... :) If it sounds right for you- use it, if it doesn't-leave it. The words don't matter, bowing down to another being is futile and hindering, trust your own self cause you are a buddha! Much metta dear!
ReplyDeleteHonestly though, when we know that all is one, all is love, all is divine, and that we choose to be lost, that we consciously decide to create all these problems for ourselves, and then go to teachers, gurus etc in hope that they undo our own decision, and get us to a place of peace that we always were in anyway- I mean what is one to do, what is a teacher meant to do? The only thing I can think of- to laugh! It is hilarious. Even compassion has not even a place really? Its just a beautiful joke we are playing at ourselves.
ReplyDeleteOh, I know that! Buddha didn't write in English. :^) I wrote them, lol. As you say, "I'm a buddha", even though I'm not Buddhist, lol.
ReplyDeleteIt was the balancing message that I thought was instructive when we want to take the world's troubles on our shoulders, or think we should.
This is the joke we would all like to learn, eh! Is it "the funniest joke ever"? Might it kill us? LOL!
ReplyDelete