A defence of individuality, be it extremism (RIP Amy Winehouse)

Is it better to fade away or to burn out? This is the question on many minds after another early death in the tumultuous calling of being a talented rock star. 

Would you rather soar and fall magnificently, or roll along peacefully for a long time, perhaps never touching neither heaven nor hell? Is it a choice?

I feel its not a choice.

I feel we are each born with our own energy signature and our own limits and that they vary greatly. I also feel that we need to touch our personal limits to know where they are. Is it scary? Of course. Is it dangerous? Doubly so but what about the danger of not self-actualizing and never being the best we can be, if we want to know that border we can very easily feel its counter-part. 

I am not judgemental against drugs but of course the danger of drugs does lie in the loss of the innate knowledge of our limits and in crossing over and yet I cannot for the life of me see the "bad" in that either, life and death, hell and heaven, its a chaotic merry-go-round of course, but "bad" has sort of lost meaning for me, especially after all the experiences of the brightest light peeking out namely of the blackest of nights.

My personal answer is- I prefer to soar and to fall, because that's how I am and always have been. And were it not for my need to find the light as the anti-dote to the most dark states of my youth and were it not for the utter saving grace that fell on me in the form of mystical experiences years ago, I would not still be here, and in fact I still struggle with the thought of the easy ticket back "home" in now rare but inevitable occasions, though its not an option for me anymore, nor has it apparently ever truly been, I'm here aren't I. :) At the same time I am grateful for my hells cause I know they were my gateway to the heavens, and this seems to be a common experience. How can we judge those who make that oh-so-brave effort!

You have to have a little bit of extremity (your personal kind) to reach certain heights and that state IS groundless, shaky, unsafe, but we have to have the open mind to see that our borders might not be the same as the borders of others and thus the level of unsafety varies also. To judge those who are truly in the fires, while drifting on a raft in clear and peaceful waters- it seems unfair. And yes- sometimes its immeasurably hard to keep on going if you're going like that, sometimes it feels impossible. I do understand those who choose peace early on. On the positive note- the hells are inseparable from the heavens, but one CAN learn to get friendly with them. To all my fellow extreme beings I say- it gets better as the years go by, the most dangerous years are the late teens and early 20s, after that the worst is over and one has experiential knowledge of- I have survived once, twice, many times- I can survive this too and much easier. The heaven lengthens immeasurably, the hells get almost minuscule and its probable that one will feel very grateful for being exactly the person one is for all the blessings. 

Our personal limits are simply too varied to make judgements in the lines of- what a shame, what a waste of a talent, what a stupidity to get into that kind of life-style, most people who make judgements like that are living well within safe limits, and dub the people whose borders extend to the actual borders of experience, mentally ill. I disagree, with respect. Its so easy to put people on medication cause they don't fit in and are feeling so much more acutely, but if they know how to deal with it (and definitely at least it takes a long time to see if they are not innately able to learn how to cope with it), perhaps in fact soar as individuals namely because of these peculiarities- then leave them as they are, offer only love, a sympathetic ear and understanding. How can one living within safe borders truly know the minds and fates of such who are made to travel the full length of the human experience? And then again if some of those acutely feeling types choose to end this particular existence- by free will- then for me this is the true human right of every single person. What is this idea that everybody SHOULD live until they are old and sick, why do we judge people who are free of such ideas?

As a dweller of the borders my whole life- it is an existence that is full of life and death at the same time, in fact as much unbearably full of life as of death, no matter the duality and whats more- going beyond duality namely because of the extremes. Thankfully I personally had the faith in the light at the end of the tunnel even at those self-harming desperate times. I would not have wanted to dull myself down, to become someone not myself artificially, and by this- robbing myself of the gifts that were to come. It was a wisdom to trust myself. It is a wisdom of ourselves to be born exactly as we are. Self-awareness is the only drug we need.

So RIP Amy Winehouse, my full understanding for your struggles, and only my gratitude- for all the songs and talent!