It is a difficult environment for sure. If it is the prevalent energy of one's work-place, as it unfortunately is for me at the moment, to a truly unbelievable degree in fact, then one always finds oneself on the outside, by choice of course. And even if one is used to be on the outside, and has no problem with that, there is still a huge energy expenditure involved with constantly struggling to keep ones own peace and love.
I've had a dilemma for a while- is it better to remove oneself from a poisonous environment, or to see it as a perfect place to over-come ones own judgements? After all- is this not a perfect challenge, a perfect ground for learning to be always compassionate, always equanimous towards all people, no matter how we disagree with their speech and actions? If there's anything that is keeping me in my job its this thought, and this alone.
I have decided it is my own lack that causes me stress. My own lack of compassion. Not for the underdogs, oh no- if there will come a moment in life when I will have no underdogs to defend then life will probably cease holding any interest for me haha. But the lack of compassion for the bullies, the lost souls who are somehow so down that the only way they can feel "up" at all is by putting everyone else around them down. It is my lack to judge them. It is my lack not to focus on their pain but concentrate on the pain they inflict on others.
And me, with my reactions against these bullies, do I not strengthen their pain?
But as for the right action in such an instance, a seemingly never-ending continuous instance it seems to me already, I am still unsure. My reaction so far- close down in a total non-participation, or defend, or say I don't like talking badly of others. Mostly I feel out of sorts.
But then again- isn't it in the harshest of conditions when the enduring lessons are won?
It is surely risky and I'm still in a dilemma over staying/not-staying. I guess when one still feels the situation can be learned from then the poisons haven't polluted one yet. :)
You remind me of this... paraphrased from Pema Chödrön.
ReplyDelete"The people who irritate us are those who inevitably blow our cover. Through them, we might come to see our defences very clearly. Before Atisha brought the bodhicitta practices from India to Tibet, he was told that the people in Tibet were universally cheerful and kind. He was afraid that if this was the case, he'd have no-one to provoke him and show him where he needed to train, so he brought along his Bengali tea boy who was as skilful at showing him his faults as his guru. The joke is that he didn't need that Bengali servant because there were plenty of annoying people in Tibet."
http://roulette404.multiply.com/journal/item/8432
And Atisha's 13th slogan...
http://www.tricycle.com/web-exclusive/train-your-mind-be-grateful-everyone
But how to keep "free of the poison" as you say... how to be the sky in the clouds... you're in the deep end (compassion for those who irritate us)... the most difficult thing is that you're not playing their game, but it's still their game, difficult to change the game. Keep wits about you in the meantime. ;)
We've got your back covered... the threatening knife you see is in fact just to scrape off some bird poo.
ReplyDeleteThanks Okei, your Maitri post was spot on for me to read regarding this subject, as well as being very beautifully constructed! :) The ending resonated with me totally "A teacher once told me that if I wanted lasting happiness, the only way to get it was to step out of my cocoon.. When I asked her how to bring happiness to others, she replied, "Same instruction."" It is so easy to step back from games, close off from unpleasantness, the irony is indeed that alone, face to face with my own demons, I know not to do that. To totally be in the self-is-other field! Not easy, but perhaps it is indeed the perfect learning place. :)
ReplyDeleteMuch metta! :)